Signatures later

Over the last couple of weeks I have not posted any new entries on my blog. Due to the pressure of my fans and soon to be citizens I wrote this piece. It took me at most a half an hour and is pretty bad. What I will say is that I post something bad and then follow it up with a masterpiece.

This is your president speaking.

I graduated a year ago. It was easy, for me. Some people say doing engineering is hard work and intellectually challenging. I found it as relaxing as sleeping in a bed as soft as Mexico’s immigration laws or Rosie O Donnell’s thighs. I once slept in a bed on one of Rosie’s thighs (sleeping on Mexico’s immigration laws presented some challenges) and it was very comfortable, she always wanted me relaxed so that I could stay calm when Doctor Phil came over late at night and started serenading her with Roxette and George Michael. George once asked me to have a drink with him and I declined knowing that he sometimes refers to himself, in the third person, as Michael Flatley and then unbuttons half his shirt just like Thump from the A-Team. I think his name is Thump. I am referring to the black guy with the chains around his neck and the unsettling haircut.

Back to my educational journey. I got a standing ovation when I received best student in Geography and Technical Design in the tenth grade. Our headmaster once referred to a group of people clapping hands while standing as a standing ovulation. It was without a doubt one of the funniest things I have ever heard. He was prone to these random accidental obscenities. He once, while addressing the school with his fly open and him being unaware of it, reacted to the students laughing at him “There is an ugly thing rearing it’s head”. That’s about the sum of what I can remember from my school days.

During my university studies I made some good friends. Some of the funniest moments in my career as human occurred during those four years. The one coming to mind is the time when we had a really shallow conversation about people and their obsession with the (please excuse the nature of the following) dimensions of the male’s wedding vegetables (a la James May). My one friend, lets call him Andre, said that the cliché line is “It’s not about the size of the boat but rather the motion of the ocean. Yet you can’t cross the Atlantic in a canoe.” I then responded by “Yes, it’s like throwing a banana down a corridor”. Andre laughed till his jaw cramped. The reason this was so funny is because Andre always spoke in the same tone of voice and never laughed; only chuckled.

After finishing most of my academics I started working, which I then quit after three weeks due to it being as enjoyable as stabbing myself in the ear. I then started doing postgrad studies, which I discontinued halfway though. I am currently busy saving the world with my literary prowess and emotional stability.

The next few years holds many exciting things. I will most likely quit the majority of them. The big one will be that I am starting on my autobiography which will then fund the country I am going to initiate, or introduce or the thing you do when you open a country. The country will be called PRC which is short for The Peoples Republic of Cobus. The details on my country are somewhat vague but the conceptual overview will be posted in the near future on this blog.